Please read this article emailed to me from Joy Fahey on Anger, and how we deal with it. Anger affects us all, eats us up, and then we cannot focus on what we want to achieve. This will be a help for you all.
Anger is such a deep felt emotion, the combination of frustration, feelings of rage, furry and indignation, which can leave us feeling helpless and hopeless or even determined to take action to make changes. Positive indignation can be righteous anger at something wrongful or unjust that can move people to do great things.
Reading Joanna’s blog and the many reports of failings in the NHS and the sad effects of that on actual lives lost or damaged had quite a profound effect on me. It takes courage to speak out and I have huge respect and admiration for the many people who are willing to stand up and be counted for what they believe is fundamentally wrong.
But my questions are ‘how do we deal with the actual pain of the injustice, how to we move forward with our own lives, pick ourselves up and start again?’
In any recovery the old adage of ‘time being the great healer’ is certainly true, we never forget but the pain eases and our thoughts change and we slowly adapt to the new circumstances. At some point we make a decision to either accept or let go.
Our human instinct for our own survival kicks in with fight or flight, we either try and forget or take up arms and fight back. Either way these are natural instincts, this is where it becomes interesting. Do we purely act from instinct or do we take control and wilfully take action? The circumstances force us to choose, we can’t go back we can only go forward but how?
The desperate quest for answers of ‘why’ can over shadow our whole lives, the injustice can eat away at us, so what is the answer? We can either get locked in this story and the past and in a way lose our own lives as a result, or we can let go and move forward.
After losing my own son, now many years ago, there seemed no way forward, I lived for many years in a desolate place inside feeling so many mixtures of emotions of guilt, anger, desperation, emptiness and the like, it made no sense. Why, why, why was a continual record playing over and over again.
A dear friend and subsequently a mentor encouraged me to start writing and then painting. These two creative activities opened me up to new possibilities especially my painting. I started to seriously study watercolour painting and got absorbed in art books and finding exhibitions I could attend. It led me back to life, it helped me look outside myself at nature’s beauty, it changed my thinking and gave me a new focus.
I wrote poems and started a journal, each day I would record my feelings, it released me to change my ‘why’ record and I started to see beyond why and began to see I could make my life valuable. Thirty five years later my life is dedicated to helping people, writing and painting and now I can thank my darling Nathaniel for the opportunity to be able to do this. Who would have thought that possible, certainly not me at the time.
Finding something you can focus on certainly helps to ease the pain and writing down your feelings is incredibly cathartic. It really does help to release pent up emotions, it gets them out of your head and it clears the path to see things differently. Your life is valuable, you can’t go back, and your past doesn’t equal your future. Aligning your thoughts on what you have to give can really help you as well as others move forward.
Joanna’s Blog is a testament to that, turning the anger into something positive, harnessing that energy to make a difference is a great example to all of us. Many Thanks Joanna
Filed under: Self Help, Anger, Bereavement, Loss